Tae Kwon Tuesday

I will not lie. Tae Kwon Do has taken a toll on my soul. We practiced our choreography again and gave our kicks and strikes and whatever. Let's cut the bullshit! and get straight 2 tha good stufff.

Quotes
"Hahaha... Nice cats, fat cats."

and

"If you step off the railroad tracks, you fall into the universe"

and

"LIVE HANDDD!!"

Haiku Kwon Do
With an iron fist
I grab my opponent's throat
And crush it with ease

Haiku Kwon Don't
Like an ancient toad
I croak with emberous might
Kapow! You will die

Tae Kwon Wednesday?!

The world has fallen into chaos, thus I present this special edition of Tae Kwon Tuesday: Wednesday Edition

Well, not much to report this week. We learned jumping air kicks, that was mostly it.

Important to note- Every Tae Kwon Do class ends the same way. Our sensei instructs us to say "Tae Kwon Do! Chun Do Kwon!" and then to jump into the air, kick, and give a "spirited shout." Now, please, imagine 30 unathletic, disinterested, and generally cynical hipster scumbag asshole elitist douchebags AKA yr standard stereotypical SUNY PURCHASE!! pigheaded loser wannabe phony posers all attempting this in unison. If u dont think thatz funny thann cheq yr pulse, CUZ YOUR DEAADD!!

Quotes!

"I am Papa Tiger, and you are all tiger cubs"

and

"Like an accordian- explode."

Tae Kwon Tuesdays!!

AT LAST: the second edition of Tae Kwon Tuesdays!! has arrived. 

Yesterday, I arrived at the gym for my Tae Kwon Do class teeming with excitement and shaking from caffeine. I quickly took my place at the back  of the group and looked in awe at the spectacular arrangement of white uniforms before me. We spent some time warming up and jogging; and then began the now casual practice of refining our mental energy. After we had thoroughly honed our ability to make an utterly unmovable "OK" sign with our hands we moved onto more serious business. LIKE SIDE KICKS!! But enuff nonsense?? Today I decided to compile a couple of things inspired or entirely derived from my experience on Monday!

Quotes!!

"Imagine your arm is a firehose- but instead of water, it's streaming mental energy into the universe."

and

"You may not be having any fun, but let's let these games continue."

and

"Now Catalina and Justina will pick me up by my elbows."

One fact about Tae Kwon Do!! 

-the representative federation for the sport is the World Taekwondo Federation (WTF)

Haiku Kwon Do

Like an iron ring

I held together my fingers

Mental strength coursing 

Haiku Kwon Don't

Like a dragonfly

Kicking someone's throat is my

Goal this semester

Tae Kwon Tuesdays!!

Little known fact: I, Matthew John Palmer, am a certified green belt. I received this prestigious title at the precocious age of seven and have been training effortlessly for the last 11 years. This semester, I am taking the Tae Kwon Do class here at SUNY Purchase. I won't bore you with the details- just know that I am the second-ranked student in my class and am a rising star in the martial arts world. None of this, however, would be possible without my brilliant sensei, and for that I humbly acknowledge him, Whatever His Name Is. Always full of Ben Franklin-esque maxims and aphorisms, my prof. has many a time dropped mad knowledge all around my vicinities. Some of his more choice quotations from my most recent class include:

"Your feet are ice skates, and those ice skates are on railroad tracks- if you can imagine that"

and

"Never kick an apple off of a sword"

and

"Let me be you"

Next week on Tae Kwon Tuesdays!! 

-Pictures from Tae Kwon Do class

-More quotes

-Nothing else new